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Not the Run of the Mill Couple



I love and adore my husband. We have been married for almost 5 years and have 2 beautiful children. Since being married, we’ve had 4 different addresses in 3 different states. I wouldn’t trade my life or my husband for anything.

From the outside looking in, however, you may not think we are so in love. We don’t hold hands, and we rarely go on dates. If you catch us kissing in public, you are one of the very few who has done so.

I have two issues that prevent my husband and me from holding hands. First, my hands have a tendency to get clammy. And second, my fingers are pretty bony. My husband always jokes with me about my sweaty hands. If we do hold hands, it’s only for a couple minutes because he can’t stand the pain much more than that. But my husband also has his own issues with handholding. His aren’t physical, but stem from the regulations at West Point and in the military. His Bugle Notes from 2002 mention only offering your arm when needed for assistance or at formal occasions. And if he wants other people to follow regulations, then he needs to be a model of those regulations.

Some people have found it strange that my husband and I rarely go on dates. With being a military family, we know that time together is valuable. He could deploy for months at a time, or he could spend weeks away from home doing a field training. We also know that our kids aren’t small forever and one day, they will grow up and not want to hang out with us. We love being together as a whole family; it is what brings us happiness. Plus, we talk all the time! And isn’t that what a date really is supposed to be about: talking and reconnecting. We talk about absolutely everything at various times during the day. There are nights where we go to bed, but then don’t go to sleep until three hours later because we are catching up.

We have a healthy, joking relationship. We tease each other, relentlessly at times, and we play tricks on each other. We have gotten into the habit of spelling certain words in front of our daughter so she doesn’t know what we are talking about. My husband knows that if he takes too long trying to figure out what I spelled that I am going to call him out on it. But I also know that if I do something joke-worthy, then I will be called out for it. It is in our nature to laugh and have fun. He’s also big on tickling me until I almost wet my pants. But he knows that if he does that, then I will retaliate with something equally as fun.  

Several people have given us suggestions for how to bring the romance back in our lives. If only they knew that it never went away! We’ve been told that we should sit on the same side of the booth, or that we should give each other massages. Let me just say, I don’t understand sitting on the same side of the booth. I would much rather look my husband in the eyes than sit next to him. And as for giving each other massages, my husband might be all for that, but his massages are like torture. He means well, but either he tickles me and I just twitch and laugh or he does it too hard and I want to cry.

The takeaway from my husband and I is that people shouldn’t judge a couple by what they see. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband and I will live up to our vows, “till death do us part.” I can honestly say that he is my best friend. When the kids are out of the house, we may date more. But I know that we’ll never stop joking, laughing, and talking. I also know that we’ll never be the couple who sits next to each other in the booth or who holds hands and kisses in the park, but that’s okay with us. So next time you feel a need to tell a couple how to be a better couple, think twice; you are only seeing a fraction of the relationship.

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