I am an introvert. I am shy. I get extremely nervous in social situations when I don't know anyone. I'm not good at small talk. These are not really good things when you are a military spouse.
I recently read an article in the Huffington Post online (from August 2013), and I really liked how it discussed being an introvert. I've seen several articles before and I don't know that any hit home as much as this one did.
I have struggled with being an introvert my whole life. I grew up as an Army brat, meaning we moved every two to three years. I loved my childhood and wouldn't change much about it, but it was difficult. Most of my friends were made through gymnastics. I was always jealous of my older sister as it seemed effortless for her to make friends while I often struggled just to get up the courage to talk to people.
I'm not a kid anymore, but I still struggle with my introverted ways. I try to get involved around post as much as possible so I can get to know people. However, my interests tend to lend to either solitary volunteer jobs or are focused on helping cadets with their English assignments (not exactly my age or place in life). I also try to plan events with the ladies from the group my husband is in so that I can meet them on my own terms. Often times, this involves at least one glass of wine to help slow down some of the millions of thoughts running through my head.
Now before you go feeling sorry for me, let me just say that I do have friends. I have very close friends. I have a group of friends who I can honestly say that I would go out of my way to help out should they need it. I trust them with my secrets and they can trust me with theirs.
Being the "new kid" is tough. My kids help me slightly in that my 3 year old always wants to be outside so I meet people that way. But that is typically the small talk, which I'm not good at doing. Plus, there is the added pressure of having to make sure your kid isn't doing something dangerous or bad. I've also met people through mom and tot groups, but again, that is the small talk while making sure your child doesn't run away to go look at the next, more interesting animal.
And I do have my extrovert days. I just have to work myself into them. As I mentioned, I have planned a get together event with some of the ladies in our new area. I had to give myself lots of self-talk before and while driving to the venue. After a little bit, I started to get more comfortable, but there were points where I felt myself slinking back into my introverted ways. During those times, I'd have an inner dialogue and tell myself that I need to get back in the conversation. And in that instance, I was glad that I did.
My husband is very extroverted. At his old job, we had multiple social events each month. When I was pregnant (hence no glass of wine), he could tell that these events were hell on me. I would purposefully socialize first with those I had met prior to build up my courage to talk to those I had not met prior to that night. My husband on the other hand would be bouncing around from person to person talking to whomever would listen. In those occasions though, he would be my rock. He can somehow tell when I need him, and he would come and wrap his arm around me or give my hand a little squeeze and immediately I'd feel better.
My husband and I have had a lot of talks about our differences with meeting people and establishing friendships. He knows that I try really hard to put myself out there and get to know people. But he also knows that sometimes it is just too much. The bottom line though is that I do try. So if I'm not as outgoing the first few times we meet or if I'm just really quiet one day, it doesn't mean that I don't like you. If I start staring off into space looking at the changing leaves, it doesn't mean that I find what you are saying boring, I am just trying to recharge my batteries so I can be present for the rest of the conversation.
PS: that's also why I initially didn't tell anyone about my blog. I'm putting a lot of me out there, which is super uncomfortable for me, but I'm doing it. And while I may write and rewrite several times, I'm still doing it.
I recently read an article in the Huffington Post online (from August 2013), and I really liked how it discussed being an introvert. I've seen several articles before and I don't know that any hit home as much as this one did.
I have struggled with being an introvert my whole life. I grew up as an Army brat, meaning we moved every two to three years. I loved my childhood and wouldn't change much about it, but it was difficult. Most of my friends were made through gymnastics. I was always jealous of my older sister as it seemed effortless for her to make friends while I often struggled just to get up the courage to talk to people.
I'm not a kid anymore, but I still struggle with my introverted ways. I try to get involved around post as much as possible so I can get to know people. However, my interests tend to lend to either solitary volunteer jobs or are focused on helping cadets with their English assignments (not exactly my age or place in life). I also try to plan events with the ladies from the group my husband is in so that I can meet them on my own terms. Often times, this involves at least one glass of wine to help slow down some of the millions of thoughts running through my head.
Now before you go feeling sorry for me, let me just say that I do have friends. I have very close friends. I have a group of friends who I can honestly say that I would go out of my way to help out should they need it. I trust them with my secrets and they can trust me with theirs.
Being the "new kid" is tough. My kids help me slightly in that my 3 year old always wants to be outside so I meet people that way. But that is typically the small talk, which I'm not good at doing. Plus, there is the added pressure of having to make sure your kid isn't doing something dangerous or bad. I've also met people through mom and tot groups, but again, that is the small talk while making sure your child doesn't run away to go look at the next, more interesting animal.
And I do have my extrovert days. I just have to work myself into them. As I mentioned, I have planned a get together event with some of the ladies in our new area. I had to give myself lots of self-talk before and while driving to the venue. After a little bit, I started to get more comfortable, but there were points where I felt myself slinking back into my introverted ways. During those times, I'd have an inner dialogue and tell myself that I need to get back in the conversation. And in that instance, I was glad that I did.
My husband is very extroverted. At his old job, we had multiple social events each month. When I was pregnant (hence no glass of wine), he could tell that these events were hell on me. I would purposefully socialize first with those I had met prior to build up my courage to talk to those I had not met prior to that night. My husband on the other hand would be bouncing around from person to person talking to whomever would listen. In those occasions though, he would be my rock. He can somehow tell when I need him, and he would come and wrap his arm around me or give my hand a little squeeze and immediately I'd feel better.
My husband and I have had a lot of talks about our differences with meeting people and establishing friendships. He knows that I try really hard to put myself out there and get to know people. But he also knows that sometimes it is just too much. The bottom line though is that I do try. So if I'm not as outgoing the first few times we meet or if I'm just really quiet one day, it doesn't mean that I don't like you. If I start staring off into space looking at the changing leaves, it doesn't mean that I find what you are saying boring, I am just trying to recharge my batteries so I can be present for the rest of the conversation.
PS: that's also why I initially didn't tell anyone about my blog. I'm putting a lot of me out there, which is super uncomfortable for me, but I'm doing it. And while I may write and rewrite several times, I'm still doing it.
Will is an introvert, too. I love introverts! I always enjoy a challenge of making an introvert feel comfortable to talk with me. I hope that I can be talkative when they have the energy and need someone to start the conversation, and/or sit quietly with them when they are socially exhausted. It's nice to read and understand how differently an introvert views a social situation.
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